The Febreze Clip That Wanted to Freshen

I bought a Febreze Car Vent Clip because the last Uber passenger left a smell I cannot describe and will not attempt to. It was a Tuesday. The clip came in a little plastic shell. I opened it in the driveway. BW watched from the kitchen window. She was holding a coffee mug. I think she was hoping I'd come inside and help with the child's school project. I did not.

The clip is called Fresh Scent. That's what the package said. I clipped it onto the center vent. It was quiet at first. A little white rectangle with blue gel inside. It spun slightly when the air hit it. I thought: This might actually work. For about two hours it did. The car smelled like a field of imaginary flowers. I drove to the grocery store. I picked up milk and bread. I sat in the car for an extra minute just breathing. That was the high point.

The child found it the next morning. She was in the back seat. I was putting her car seat in. She said: What's that? I said: It makes the car smell nice. Leave it alone. She nodded. That should have been a warning. Children nod when they are lying to yourself.

I drove three errands that afternoon. The clip was still there. But the child had been quiet for too long. When I checked the rearview mirror she was holding it. The clip was out of its plastic housing. The blue gel was starting to look wrong. She had pressed her finger into it. I said: Put that back. She said: It smells like nothing now. She was right. The gel was smooth and dented. The scent was gone. It had transferred to her hand. Her hand smelled like a dryer sheet for the rest of the day. The clip smelled like nothing.

I found the empty plastic housing on the floor mat. It still had the little vent clip attachment. The part that holds it to the vent. That part survived. The gel part was on the child's school folder. She had peeled it off and stuck it there. Like a sticker. A dirty sticker. She said it helped her concentrate. BW said: Just buy another one. I did. I put it in the glove box. I'm not ready. I'm thinking I'll keep it there until the child forgets about the vent clips entirely. That might be next week. Or never. The first clip is still on her folder. It's black now. It looks like a small crime scene.

If you liked this story about the Febreze Car Vent Clips, Fresh Scent, you can buy your own on Amazon. Remember, we're BFF if you do.