The Bissell Little Green Saw Things

The Bissell Little Green ProHeat Portable Carpet Cleaner arrived in a box that was too big for what it was. I opened it in the garage. BW said it was for the dog. The dog is adjacent to everything but has never actually made a mess on the carpet. She just stands near things and looks guilty. The cleaner sat in the hall closet for three weeks. It had a hose. It had tanks. It had ambition. I don't think it knew what it was getting into.

The child found it on a Tuesday. I don't know why she opened the closet. She doesn't do that. She appeared in the kitchen holding the hose like it was a snake she'd made friends with. BW was at work. The dog was watching from the doorway. The child said: “It's for watering the plants.” I said no. She said “But it has a button.” I said that button is for the carpet. She looked at the carpet. The carpet looked back. Nothing happened for about forty seconds. I went to check the mail.

When I came back the Bissell was in the middle of the living room floor. The child had filled the clean tank with the garden hose. There was water on the laminate. She had also found an entire bottle of blue food coloring in the pantry. The Bissell did not ask for this. It was designed for protein stains and dog drool. It had never seen food coloring. It had never seen what the child does with concentration. She pressed the trigger and a SPRAY of blue water hit the ceiling fan. The fan was on. The blue went everywhere. The Bissell made a sound like a hurt animal. It wanted to go back in the box.

I unplugged it. The child had moved on to something else. The Bissell sat there in a puddle of its own making. The blue was already setting into the grout. I cleaned it up with a sponge. The Bissell watched from the corner. (It had no choice. It doesn't have eyes. But it watched.) I put it back in the closet. The dog came over and sniffed the hose. That's when I realized: the dog had never needed the Bissell. The Bissell needed the dog. But the dog was just adjacent. That's all she's ever been.

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