The ChomChom Roller Meets the Child

The ChomChom Roller arrived on a Tuesday, three days before it met the child. That's how long it took. It was a good three days. I'd pull it across the back seat of the Honda after a Golden Retriever named Bella rode to the vet, and the roller would just fill up with blond fur like it was born for it. It was born for it. The box said 'lifts and traps pet hair in one easy motion' and by God it did. I'd empty the chamber into the trash and feel a little piece of my soul click back into place. BW said it was the best twelve dollars I'd spent since the windshield sunshade.

On Friday the child came home from kindergarten early. She saw the roller on the kitchen counter. She picked it up. She said, 'What does it do?' and before I could answer she was rolling it across the linoleum, watching the little bristle things spin. She named it ChomChom. Not because it chomps anything. Because that's what she heard. So now it's ChomChom.

Within an hour she'd taken a Sharpie to the side. Two dot eyes and a line mouth. Now it has a face. A face that looks at me when I walk into the living room. It says, 'I used to roll dog hair. Now I roll cracker crumbs and the occasional dinosaur-shaped fruit snack.' I should have hidden it. But BW said, 'Let her have it. It's just a roller.' (Everything is just a something until the child gets to it.)

Two weeks later I found the ChomChom Roller under the passenger seat of the Odyssey. It was covered in goldfish crumbs, a single wilted pea, and hair that did not look like it came from a dog. It looked human. Fine, maybe it was mine. But that's not the point. The point is: the roller is now part of the floor ecosystem of my car. It lives there. I pulled it out, cleaned it off, set it on the dashboard. The Sharpie face had faded a little. The eyes were still looking at me. They said, 'This is my life now.'

I put it back on the kitchen counter. Because I am not going to win this one. The child saw it this morning. She said, 'ChomChom!' and picked it up and rolled it across the rug. BW says we need another one for the car. We have another one. It's in the garage, still in the box. I haven't opened it yet. I know what's coming for it. The child will find it. She always does.

If you liked this story about the ChomChom Roller Pet Hair Remover, you can buy your own on Amazon. Remember, we're BFF if you do.