What the Bissell Spot Cleaner Learned

The Bissell arrived on a Tuesday. Box still had the warehouse smell. I set it up in the garage next to the snow blower and the shop vac that BW says I need to stop collecting. The Bissell had two tanks. Clean water on one side. Dirty water on the other. It understood its job. It was ready.

The dog brought in mud on Wednesday. Not a little mud. The kind of mud that looks like the dog went to war with the backyard and lost. Paw prints across the living room carpet. BW looked at me. I got the Bissell.

It worked. I have to say that. The Bissell actually worked. The spray nozzle went down. The suction came back. The carpet didn't look like a crime scene anymore. The dirty tank filled up with brown water that looked like it came from a swamp. The Bissell didn't complain. It just kept going.

Then the child found it.

She was supposed to be watching a show. Instead she decided the Bissell looked thirsty. She filled the clean water tank with orange juice. Not the cheap kind. The good stuff BW buys. The Bissell didn't know what hit it. I found out when I plugged it in Thursday morning to get the den ready for my mother-in-law's visit. The thing started spraying pulp across the furniture like a confused cartoon character. Orange juice everywhere. The carpet, the couch, a framed photo of BW looking disappointed. (Not at me this time. At the situation. Still.).

BW found the empty jug. She found the child. She found me standing there with the Bissell still running, still trying to do its job, still faithful, still broken.

I cleaned the Bissell out. Took it apart. Let it dry in the garage for two days. The orange smell wouldn't come out. It's been three weeks now. The Bissell sits on its shelf looking like it learned something hard about trust and household machinery and why you can't just assume a seven-year-old understands the difference between dirt and beverages. It still works. The spray still comes. The suction still pulls. But something changed in it. I can tell. (BW says I'm anthropomorphizing. BW is probably right. She usually is.) The dog tracked in mud again yesterday. I rented the carpet cleaner this time. The Bissell's still in the garage. It knows why.

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