What the Little Green Machine Saw

The Bissell Little Green Machine arrived on a Tuesday. It was compact. Professional-looking. The box promised results. It had no idea what was waiting for it in the living room.

The dog—we don't talk about the dog much, but the dog had opinions about the carpet. Strong opinions. Expressed frequently. At 3 a.m. mostly. At 6 a.m. definitely. The regular vacuum had given up around week two. I don't blame it.

BW unboxed the Little Green Machine with the kind of hope usually reserved for lottery tickets and tax refunds. This was going to be different. This machine had suction. This machine had heat. This machine had a little green tank and a trigger and a hose that looked like it meant business.

I filled it with hot water and the special solution that costs more per ounce than gasoline. The child watched from the couch, eating cereal. The dog watched from under the table. Both seemed skeptical.

I started in the corner near the sliding glass door. The Little Green Machine roared to life. It sucked. It sprayed. It rumbled across the carpet with the determination of something that had trained for this exact moment. Spot after spot began to lighten. The machine actually worked.

For exactly four hours, we had a clean living room carpet.

The dog, apparently moved by this sudden cleanliness, decided it was a fresh start. A new beginning. A canvas. (The child, meanwhile, had discovered that the Little Green Machine's exhaust was warm and began testing whether it could dry her wet socks if she held them directly over the vent. It could not. It made them smell like wet dog and cleaning solution, which is a smell that does not leave.)

BW found me in the garage the next morning, staring at the Little Green Machine.

"Again?" she asked.

I didn't answer. I was filling the tank. Again. The hot water. The expensive solution. The whole ritual. The Little Green Machine sat there, waiting, its little green tank like a promise nobody asked it to keep.

It's still in the garage. I use it twice a week now. The dog has accepted this as part of the natural order. The child has moved on to using the hose as a microphone. BW has stopped asking how the carpet is doing. She knows.

The Little Green Machine works exactly as advertised. It was just never told what would happen after it succeeded.

If you liked this story about the Bissell Little Green Machine, you can buy your own on Amazon. Remember, we're BFF if you do.